Guest Post: Snake. Charmer. Make mine Draco.

Wait, what do you mean nobody’s doing Draco Malfoy yet? You said it’s Fictional Boyfriends Month, right? And nobody chose Draco? Hand me that conch . . .

FIVE SIX SEVEN REASONS WHY DRACO MALFOY WOULD MAKE A GREAT FICTIONAL BOYFRIEND

(NO, I’M NOT KIDDING.)

(YOUR MOM’S KIDDING.)

(HEAR ME OUT, HUFFLEPUFFS.)

Alternate title: Just because my name means “Awful Person Bad Faith” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t kiss me.

Dragogif

Before I begin my Defense of Draco, I’d like to make clear that we’re talking about post-Hallows Draco here. Because we’re not perverts. And because, frankly, nobody at Hogwarts made good boyfriend material during the war. (Ask poor Ginny Weasley; just when you think you’re finally getting somewhere with a guy, he sneaks off to sacrifice himself in the Forbidden Forest.) (Or he goes camping for 400 pages.) (Or he just has a . . . thing. NBD, Ginny. Call ya later.)

Draco, more than most young wizards – more even than Neville – needed some time to find himself after the war. There’s no finding yourself when Voldemort is camped out in your dining room. (There’s not even dinner.) Which makes it all the more remarkable that Draco shows such great fictional boyfriend potential . . .

1. Draco Malfoy is a family man.
Draco enjoys spending time with his parents. He seems like he’ll probably want blond kids of his own someday. Whenever he hears something cool, he’s all, “Wait ‘til my father hears about this!” (This is a good thing.) (You know who didn’t complain about those strong Malfoy family ties? Harry Potter. When they were saving his life.)

2. Draco Malfoy has pretty hair.
Obviously.

DracoHair

3. And a lot of nice suits.

DracoSuitWhich he wears with turtlenecks. Because he’s a slave to Voldemort – not fashion.

4. Draco Malfoy is the only person who intentionally visits Moaning Myrtle.

“He’s sensitive, people bully him, too, and he feels lonely and hasn’t got anybody to talk to, and he’s not afraid to show his feelings and cry!”

5. Draco Malfoy will not betray you to the Dark Lord, even when he knows it’s you.

6. Draco Malfoy is obviously into Hermione Granger, which bodes well for bookish, Muggle-born know-it-alls everywhere.

7. Draco Malfoy is incapable of real evil.
Seriously. Most of the time, when you fall in love with someone, you’re never really sure what they’re capable of. (Will they betray you to the Nazis when you’re trying to escape with your family into the Alps? WHO KNOWS.)

WE KNOW WHAT DRACO IS CAPABLE OF.

AND IT DOESN’T INCLUDE GREAT EVIL.

Even with his family’s lives on the line – even when his own life hangs in the balance – Draco Malfoy cannot bring himself to kill Albus Dumbledore. He can’t manage a Crucio against Harry. He practically donates his wand to the good fight.

In conclusion:

If Dumbledore is willing to give Draco a second chance, so am I.

SecondChance
Yes, Draco, I’ll go the Yule Ball with you. Will you wear this?

Will you wear this

DISCLAIMER: THE AUTHOR IN NO WAY ADVOCATES TRYING TO ‘FIX’ DEATHEATERS. FORM RELATIONSHIPS WITH DREAMY DEATHEATERS AT YOUR OWN RISK.


Rainbow Rowell is the author of Attachments, Eleanor & Park (February 2013) and Fangirl (September 2013). She is happily married to a man who never took the Dark Mark. But she would have married him, even if he had.

Do you have a favorite bad boy character who would be your fictional boyfriend?

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22 Responses to Guest Post: Snake. Charmer. Make mine Draco.

  1. Beth C. says:

    Every girl wants to spend a little time in the Room of Requirement with a bad boy. But me? I’ll take a Weasley. Almost any one will do … Bill (see ya, Fleur!), Fred, Charlie, or George.

    What about Percy? I’ll take a good romance book over Percy in the flesh.

    • ryann says:

      Oh, the Room of Requirement! Ahem. Also, if you were with a Weasley, Hermione would be your SIL! Which would be wonderful, unless you were cooking the holiday meal at your house. “Did you know turkey…. Cranberries were formed by the…” Still, I love her. And I think Draco might have too.

    • Andrea says:

      Mmmmmmmmm…. Bill Weasley.

  2. Rob says:

    This was hilarious and I love it. Too much competition for Harry anyway!

  3. spedbuggery says:

    First of all, hello and I love you.
    Second of all, I love parenthesis and am happy that you do, too. (Aren’t they great?) (Your mom’s great) (Okay, that was just uncalled for).
    My daughter grew up with a solid crush on Draco Malfoy. There were pictures of him all over her room. This shouldn’t have surprised me as some of her earlier crushes were Jack Skellington and Hades from Disney’s Hercules movie. Happily, she is dating a nice, normal(ish – we don’t know him that well, yet) young man who, as far as we know is neither a Pumpkin King, Underworld god, or Malfoy.
    But enough about my daughter. She has poor taste in bad boys. Jack Skellington is too skinny, Hades is a fire hazard, and Draco Malfoy is so blond he’s practically transparent.
    Severus Snape is my crush. My swarthy ‘bad boy’. Why? Because he’s a good guy wrapped in a bad boy and all covered in angst, black clothing, and hair oil. I ignore Rowlings’ description of Snape’s bad teeth because ‘ew’.
    Severus Snape is loyal, but not in a smarmy kiss-ass way. He’s the rude, acerbic, condescending, sarcastic type of loyal and what’s not to love about that?

  4. Ann Glow says:

    What about young Sirius Black? He had the bad boy stuff going for him AND he was a Gryffindor! Beth C. makes a strong argument for a Weasley plus I would like to add that if things worked out, Molly Weasley would make a fab MIL (after you win her over). Charlie would be my pick; the pet dragons would only add to his attractiveness.

  5. lynne says:

    Yeah, I wish Sirius had more time to redeem himself, at least in my eyes. He was incredibly loyal to those he loved, but definitely had his flaws.

    • ryann says:

      I felt like that about Harry’s dad as a teen. I did not like them bullying Snape. Still, it wasn’t their story and we couldn’t really see them change. And we know Harry’s dad was nice as a grown-up. But alas.

      • spedbuggery says:

        Hi, Lynne! I had a problem with *both* Sirius and James as teens, but as Ryann said, at least James character is described in a way that he seems to have ‘grown out’ of that sort of behavior. From Rowlings’ explanations in the book, I got no indications that Snape provoked any of their attacks other than by being ‘nerdy’, so it definitely painted them in a poor light. Add to that the fact they were popular, athletic, and doing relatively well academically, it makes them look worse for stooping to that sort of petty behavior when they ‘had it all’.
        I suppose I can forgive Sirius to a degree. He was an ‘odd man out’ within his own family – a family that would have more readily embraced Snape the Slytherin – and probably full of angst. I just never got the feeling he grew, however, but rather remained emotionally stunted – tied to his school years, in a way – and would have liked to make Harry a replacement for James.
        Wow. I just realized I am to HP what Trekkies are to Star Trek, postulating like this about Rowlings world/characters. I give her props, as an author, for the amazingly layered and brilliantly real personalities she gave her characters. They are a delicious mix of flawed humanity that I could eat with a spoon! :D

        • ghelzer says:

          So the lesson is that having things come easily to you in high school does not necessarily give you the experiences you need to be a person of strong character later in life?

          I KNEW there was a reason I was a geek. (Past tense. I’m really sure it’s past tense.)

          • spedbuggery says:

            Not always, ghelzer, but in many instances, yes.

            I’m in the ‘once a geek, always a geek’ category. It’s okay, though, I think most of the best people are geeks and nerds. :)

  6. Wow. I agree. Molly would be a GREAT mother-in-law. And I would love a Weasley sweater SO MUCH.

  7. Beth C. says:

    I soooooo agree about the bonus of having Molly as a MIL. But I would need to whip out my wand and use the deletrius curse on that clock of hers.

    Anything other than “Mortal Peril” should be shared on a need-to-know basis!

  8. Wait, are we limited to the Potter universe? If so, then I’ll take Snape any day, any time, ANYWHERE! However…

    If we’re talking ANY fictional bad boy then I will CUT YOU to get to Sebastian Lord St. Vincent from Lisa Kleypas’ The Devil in Winter. That powerful frame, those piercing eyes, that smirk and witty tongue… (in keeping with the parenthetical spirit because I TOO love the parentheses of life, steps out of the room to fan overheated self…)

    • ryann says:

      Nope, not limited to PotterWorld! Lynne started out with her man Almanzo! Your choice sounds swoonworthy! I haven’t read it yet. (If you want to write a post, we’d support you!) (:-))

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